Polish Filipino Author Ali Berlinski Debuts ‘A Beautiful Mess’

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It’s not very common to find books with a biracial theme; often publishers shy away, thinking the racial aspect is too “in your face.” With A Beautiful Mess [Pubslush Press], author Ali Berlinski gives a voice to biculturalism, showing it’s okay to talk about race. In A Beautiful Mess, she expertly weaves in her Polish Filipino identity into this memoir in an honest, humorous and balanced way.

Biracial readers, whether Asian and White or some other combination, will be able to relate to Berlinski. She states early in her memoir: “Deciding my race wouldn't be an issue if it didn't involve a hierarchy. In terms of privilege, there is nothing higher or even equal to being white. You'd think being half-white would give me some advantage over those who are fully ethnic, but it doesn't seem to work that way. In actuality, it reasserts my non-whiteness. Whereas the ‘one-drop rule’ automatically qualifies you as black, having one drop of minority disqualifies you from being white. It's not that I want to be white; I just find the criteria amusing. The Polish aren't exactly known as the master race. We make great pierogies and kielbasa, but mostly I'd say the Polish are just another poor working class. All the same, it's a club I can't be a member of, nor do I want to. There's something gratifying about being biracial and a minority."

The book also delves into complicated and dysfunctional family relationships. Berlinski is a child of divorce who grew up between two coasts. She never felt rooted while shuffling from one parent to the other. Family members included an emotionally and physically absent mom, a gay deaf brother, and an ex-nanny step mother, to name a few.

Berlinski also takes us into her romantic relationships, where readers will nod their heads in familiarity about hanging on to someone too long, or realizing that the person you loved has changed. Through it all, she looks back with humor and insight and then stoically moves forward.

Berlinski’s voice is that of a best friend, confiding her secrets while making you laugh. Through her own experiences, she helps you accept the messes in your own life with humor. Though with all the names mentioned the reader may sometimes forget who’s who, overall A Beautiful Mess is a book that readers, whether biracial or not, will enjoy.

'A Beautiful Mess,' released May 2013, is the first book ever to be published by a crowdfunding platform (the reader's decide). For every book purchased, a book will be donated to a child in need as part of an initiative to help combat illiteracy. Purchase a copy at Amazon.com.

Disclosure: I received an advance reader copy of 'A Beautiful Mess' for the purpose of this review. All opinions expressed are solely my own.

MBA Mom Gives Up Career for Her Children

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By Valerie Nifora, Guest Contributor and bicultural first generation mom of Greek descent married to a man that is not. She is a mother of two wonderful boys.

I gave up my career for my children. That’s not something I’m supposed to say. Especially, since I work for a Fortune 500 Company that paid for my MBA. What I’m supposed to say is that I have a great work-life balance that allows me to be a leader in my area of expertise, while raising my children and being the epitome of what every working mother strives to achieve. The problem is I don’t believe that’s possible. 

What I do believe is that as mothers we have a choice to outsource the raising of our children to institutions like day care, relatives like grandmothers, paid help like nannies or raise them ourselves. I know this is a profoundly unpopular notion as was articulated to me many times when I got pregnant. 

The going wisdom was this: make sure I start planning now for my return to work since I had such great potential and people had invested in me -- which in translation meant: figure out who’s going to raise your kid since it isn’t going to be you. Also absolutely make sure you’re not out for more than the three months you are legally allowed to be out on maternity leave because otherwise you will destroy your career and your credibility. 

So, I bought it. I believed it. And when my son was born, I argued, passionately as I stared at the MBA I had so meticulously framed in my home office, that I did not work so hard in my life, to beat all the odds, to get to where I am, so that I could spend the day changing diapers. The fact that I ever thought this saddens me greatly. 

For the next year or so, I would desperately try to take on tough assignments -- operating on very little sleep and subsequently very little patience. I would pace the floor during conference calls, stress myself during meetings, and in short, was probably the most miserable human being alive. I cried a lot. 

The advice that came to me from the work front was peppered with antidotes of outsourcing and how these women whimsically expressed how they had missed important moments of their children’s upbringing because work was important. I struggled with this information, trying desperately to be “ok” with things. 

Then, a strange thing happened. A female executive gave me advice that changed my life. She so graciously said, “Your child will never care how many awards you get at work but he will forever remember that you missed his baseball game because of it.”  It was at that moment that it all stopped. The nosey clutter that ran amuck in my head, that awful feeling of inadequacy — all stopped. And I stopped. It was so simple, and so easy…my child came first.

So I gave it up. I stopped competing for placement on the totem pole. I simply found a new assignment that was much less visible. I had another child. I turned down opportunities and even dream jobs. I just faded into the background much like the guy in Office Space that ended up in the furnace room. I just simply decided that my children came first. 

I do watch my female colleagues climb up the corporate ladder. I watch their success and congratulate them. I sometimes wonder at what cost it takes to do what they do. But I simply know this — I have not missed a first step, first smile, first giggle or first visit to the doctor. I am here to drive them to the doctor when they fall or have a fever. I am here to comfort them when they have a bad dream.  I will always be here, because I am their mother. 

I know that when I look back on my life, I will not regret that I did not become the next vice president of an enormous business unit. I will not regret fading into the background. I will be thankful that I decided I didn’t want to buy into the hype anymore. I will be thankful that I accepted you absolutely cannot have 100% of everything, and that of what I did have, I was going to give to my family first.

Bicultural Mama supports a woman’s choice regarding what is best for her own family and/or career. Have you struggled with similar work-life issues and if so what did you do?

Photo image: freedigitalphotos.net

Dim Sum Recommended Dishes - Asian Pacific Heritage Month

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May is Asian Pacific Heritage Month, and food plays a big part in my Chinese culture. I never seem to tire of Chinese food. A subset of Chinese cuisine is Dim Sum, or a style of food prepared on small plates. I’ve highlighted a few of my favorites. Note that some of the Chinese words I refer to are in Cantonese while others are Mandarin – a result of growing up with both dialects.

Roast Pork Buns
Photo: Maria Adcock

Roast Pork Buns (chā shāo bā) is a classic dim sum dish. A well made roast pork bun will be steamed and include flavorful morsels of pork encased in fluffy white dough. Beware of less authentic versions where the pork is dyed red to give it color; you can tell because it’s unnaturally bright. Other versions of buns include those filled with lotus seed paste, sweet bean paste, yellow custard and more.

Chinese Breadsticks
Photo: Maria Adcock

Chinese Breadsticks (yóu tiáo) are long, golden brown deep fried strips of dough. They’re great for dipping in congee (rice porridge) or to eat plain. Most people like these because in general anything fried tends to taste good.

Various Chinese Dumplings
Photo: Maria Adcock

Dumplings can come in many versions. Some may be jiǎozi filled with meat and vegetables while others could be pork soup dumpling known as xiǎo lóng bāo. Many people also like siu mai which is often filled with shrimp.

Sesame Balls
Photo: Maria Adcock

Sesame Balls (jian dui) are fried dough filled with sweet red bean paste rolled in sesame seeds. It’s crisp on the outside, chewy in the inside. It’s not something you eat while on a diet, but it sure tastes good!

Sticky Rice
Photo: Calgary Reviews

Sticky Rice (lo mai gai) is rice filled with all kinds of goodies like chicken, Chinese sausage and vegetables that all kind of sticks together in a lotus leaf that is tied up in string and steamed. It’s visually a nice package to open at your table, and the flavors merge together during the steaming process to produce a very tasty dish.

Rice Noodle Rolls
Photo: Creative Commons

Rice Noodle Rolls (har cheong fun) are rice “wraps” that are typically filled with either shrimp or beef. At the table the server may pour a bit of sesame oil and soy sauce onto the dish. Growing up, we use to call these “slimy noodles” which doesn’t sound too appetizing, but I assure you it is. We thought they were slimy because they were difficult to pick up with chopsticks and often slipped out. When I think of Dim Sum, I think of Rice Noodle Rolls.

If you have a chance, try some Dim Sum. You may have to search the internet for a place that serves it as it’s a specialty that not every Chinese restaurant specializes in, but if you find a place to go it will be well worth the visit.

What is your favorite dim sum dish?

So You Want to Start Your Own WAHM Business

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By Sara Stringer, Guest Contributor

Why struggle over the decision between full time parenting and having a career?

Becoming a WAHM (Work At Home Mom) gives you the best of both worlds. You get to be there for your kids when they need you but you also get the satisfaction of helping your family financially and building something that is just yours…which sounds great, but how do you really do that?

1. What Do You Want to Do?

First, you need to figure out what kind of business you want to build. Are you good at crafting? Why not sell the things you make online? Why not create a website offering tips and tricks for the crafts you enjoy the most? 

It might take you a while to become the next Yarn Harlot of Pioneer Woman, but if you’re dedicated you can do it. Are you a good writer? Do you have a keen sense for business and investing? Why not become a consultant? Figure out what you want to do and you’ll find a way to earn money doing it.

2. Build a Website

Every business needs a website. That’s just how it is now that we’re living in the future. Your website doesn’t have to be extensive or expensive. With WordPress and few good PacificHost coupons you can have your website up and running for less than $100 a year.

As for your content? You need to have a page explaining who you are, a page explaining what you offer and why you’re the best at it and a page that explains how to contact you.

3. Market

This is where things are going to start to feel confusing. Marketing -- especially for those who aren’t used to talking about themselves or promoting themselves—is going to take some getting used to. Unfortunately it isn’t something that you can put off. Marketing is how you get the word out about who you are and why people should hire you or buy from you.

Here’s some good news: Depending upon what you’re business centers on, you might be able to do almost all of this online.

4. Meet People

Set up meetings with other local entrepreneurs to get some insight and to make business contacts. The best way to build a successful business yourself is to emulate someone else who has already done it until you get the hang of things.

NOTE: Make sure you dress professionally for these meetings. Treat meeting with the same respect and preparation you would treat a job interview (if it’s been a while, make use of an Athleta promo code or two to help put together a “business wardrobe” for these meetings. Stained mom-jeans are only cute to your kids).

5. Be Diligent

Work at your business a little bit every day. Even if you can only manage ten minutes for a quick blog post, that’s okay. As long as you are working at your business every day you will get to where you want to go.

This might all feel a little simplistic. Surely building a successful WAHM business takes more than this. Surely it has to be more complicated, right?

Nope. Pick something you want to do, do it, tell people you’re doing it and then do it some more.

It really can be that simple!

Disclosure: Consideration was received for the editing and publishing of this guest post.

Image: Freedigitalphotos.net

How Did You Announce Your Pregnancy?

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By Kim Como, Bicultural Mama Contributor

Do you remember the day you found out you were going to become a parent?

Maybe you heard the words “congratulations.” maybe you didn’t.

Maybe you were too focused on the little blinking “blip” on the screen that your doctor was trying to convince you was your baby’s heartbeat.

Or maybe, as it was in my case, the tears were flowing so fast and furious; it was all just one big blur.

That “exact” moment your life changed forever meant that the lives of everyone around you would be changing…for example, your parents "a.k.a the new grandma/grandpa” or your siblings “a.k.a the new aunts/uncles.” When it came time to sharing the news, how did you do it?  

These days, social media makes it easy. If you want to, you can literally share your news with the world. You see a lot of sonogram pictures posted on Facebook with the words “Coming soon.” I recently even saw a post that got the family pet into the act; a friend posted a picture of her dog in a double stroller next to a sign that said “Reeses is going to be a big brother…we’re expecting twins in July.”

One of my friends made a music video filled with childhood photos in chronological order of both parents (birth to college), their wedding day, then ended it with a sonogram picture and the COMING SOON graphic. Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” even played in the background (A+ for creativity!).

Another one of my friends sent an online card.  It was a simple Hallmark type of e-card to her family & friends that read “1 mom + 1 dad = 1 baby.” 

We did something a bit unconventional as well. No phone calls. No emails. No Facebook or Twitter. We sent each set of grandparents a birthday invitation to the baby's first birthday party (we wrote the date of the party a year out from when the baby was due). Though it took each of them a half second longer to figure out what was going on, our phone began ringing off the hood as soon as the invites arrived in the mail.

When it’s time for baby #2, the obligatory "Big Brother/Big Sister" shirts come out -- but even those have gotten creative. Recently I saw a shirt that read "ONLY CHILD" which was then crossed out and scribbled underneath in kid’s handwriting that read "Big Brother."  

In my world, gone are the days of trying to “one-up” each other with stories of how you got engaged (a.k.a how he proposed!)…we have SO moved on. Now it’s all about the babies, and I can only imagine what’s in store for the future of announcing to the world that you’re pregnant!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE!

How did you announce your pregnancy?

Photo: freedigitalphotos.net

Turning 40 and Avoiding Reading Glasses

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I’ve always heard that when you turn 40 you’ll need reading glasses. It’s almost like it’s this magical number where things just happen. Well, lo and behold, I turned 40, and I’ve been having more difficulty reading small letters and numbers.

In my latest post for MOMentum Nation, I write about this new natural progression with my eyesight.

It all started in my younger years – here’s an excerpt:

“…since third grade I had been strapped to glasses and then later to contacts. My eyes had regressed so badly over the years that my prescription hit -13.0 …essentially, I was blind. Like in the cartoons and movies, I had to feel around for my glasses in the morning. Sometimes I just could not find them.”

Then I had LASIK, but was forewarned about the “40 curse” when it came to eyes. Another excerpt:

“I don’t want reading glasses right now. I’ve already spent much of my life chained to Coke-bottle glasses. I’m a mother to a preschooler, and it just seems like a disconnect to wear reading glasses (which I associate with my grandmother) when physically and energetically I seem much younger than my age.”

Read the full post here on MOMentum Nation: Eyeing 40 with Glasses

Have you experienced worse eyesight with the advent of 40? How did you deal with it?

Photo: freedigitalphotos.net